I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
4 words: hood of his car
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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