i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
