At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
