So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this hospital has no fireball
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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