the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
