Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
