At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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