Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
