Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Randomize
