Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
