So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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