She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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