it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
