I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
