You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
