Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
