Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
