Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
