i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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