I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
