hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
