no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
