He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
