she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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