I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
