That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
