I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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