i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
