Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
