I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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