i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
