What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
