i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
