im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
