I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
