i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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