it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So drunk its hurt
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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