New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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