Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
