he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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