would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize