I look better un-naked...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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