You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
