I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
