so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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