Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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