She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
