I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you win again, gameday.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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