Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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