You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
