but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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