I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
