I heard we made out
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is wine microwaveable?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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