he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
