that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
