How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
