I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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