batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
