I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
