If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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