Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
