Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
