Your dad touched me again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
