: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
