what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
