I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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