I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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