i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
