So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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