This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
