...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
