anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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