Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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