So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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