mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
