guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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