I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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