How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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