dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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