it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
