i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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