what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
