i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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