Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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