I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize