Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
