I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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