She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
