Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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