i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize