'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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